Now onto Indy! I have to admit, my expectations for this movie could not have been any lower. I saw the three Star Wars prequels, so I am weary of anything with George Lucas' name on it. If I said I was a fan of Steven Spielberg at all, you would have every right to call me a liar. And in all honesty, I think I'm the only guy on the planet that doesn't really like Harrison Ford unless he's playing Han Solo. All that said, I didn't hate this movie.
Let's start with a little history. Before Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was even a blip on the radar of film executives, there were two other Indy scripts that never made it into production. One was called Indiana Jones and the Monkey God. The other was called Indiana Jones & the Saucer Men from Mars. I tell you this, because one of these scripts was obviously recycled to create Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. By the way, because I found this online, I'll share some concept art from The Saucer Men from Mars with you.
It's kind of hard to review this movie as a whole. The first thirty minutes were very boring. The middle wasn't great, but it was a lot of fun. The end was so cheesy it could have been ordered from Domino's.
The returning cast was solid. Harrison Ford is as snarky as ever as Dr. Henry Jones Jr. In fact, the only real humor in the new movie comes from Indy's one-liners. For all of the talk about how horribly Karen Allen has aged, she doesn't look terrible.
And she can still hold her own as Marion.
The problem is the new cast. Shia LeBouf isn't a bad actor. He just picks cheesy, awful roles. For the most part his character Mutt Williams is no exception. Mutt is a stereotype of a 50s greaser - always riding a motorcycle, combing his hair, and playing with a switchblade.
I did learn a few things about 50s motorcycle etiquette from his character. For instance, in the 1950s motorcycles were apparently fast enough to catch trains and you could ride them on train platforms, airport tarmacs and through university libraries without anyone batting an eye.
The worst new character is Irina Spalko, a Soviet scientist and mentalist played by Cate Blanchett, who I'm told is a great actress. Either she forgot how to act, or there are two Cate Blanchettes in the world, because the person playing Spalko looks like Lily Tomlin and couldn't decide whether she was supposed to speak with a Russian, German, or British accent.
The problem with Steven Spielberg sequels is rather than try to create a new stories with familiar characters, Spielberg tries to sneak in as many callbacks to the previous films in the series as possible. That is certainly the case here until we get to a chase scene that includes a very entertaining battle between Mutt & Irina, a scene that leads you to believe the line "Monkeys. Why did it have to be monkeys?" is imminent, and then a scene that let's you know the signature line of the next movie in the series will be "Ants. Why did it have to be ants?"
Here's what I'll say: if you're a big fan of the Indiana Jones series, then you have to see Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in theatres. The scenery and battle sequences are big and there's no real way to enjoy them if they aren't on a giant screen. If you're a casual fan wait for the DVD release. The movie is 2 hours and 4 minutes long, and it would have been just as good (if not better) if it were half as long.
The Greek gives it a C+
