Traitor

If there was ever a trailer that deserved an Oscar, it is the trailer for Traitor.



Whoever put it together took a two hour movie and gave away every twist, turn and secret in just over two minutes. Best Editing in my book, because Traitor is a good movie. It's an interesting movie. It's just not good enough or interesting enough to hold me for two hours.

The acting is actually pretty good. Don Cheadle plays double agent Samir Horn as a conflicted man of faith. He's a Muslim, and recognizes that the West is more often than not a hostile place for his faith, but at the same time he sees fanatical Muslims as the true enemies of Islam. If you haven't seen the trailer, you might be asking yourself as far as an hour into the movie just who's side this guy is on.

Guy Pearce (who seems too good for what amounts to a b-level episode of 24) does his best Brad Pitt impersonation. That doesn't seem like it should be a compliment, but look at him.


Look familiar?


And just wait till you hear Pearce's Agent Clayton speak! He sounds like Rusty Ryan from the Ocean's series if he grew up in Arkansas.

Saying a guy does a good Brad Pitt impersonation doesn't seem like it should be a compliment if he isn't a SNL cast member, but that's clearly what writer/director Jeffery Nachmanoff wanted. It seems like this role was written for Pitt and either Nachmanoff didn't get the necessary financing or Pitt decided the role was too small.

Another strength is the movie's explosions. I assume they're very realistic. They feel very real, but I can't say for sure. I've never had the pleasure of being involved in an explosion of anything larger than a light bulb. (A side note here: if for whatever reason you put part of a potato chip bag on your lamp and it starts to smoke, your nine-year-old brain might think it's a good idea to remove the smoldering bits with a damp wash cloth...not as smart as it seems in your head!) Traitor's explosions are loud, violent and gory, but unedited news footage gory with bodies being jarred and smashed around like rag dolls. You know when each explosion is coming, but you're never really ready for any of them.

Now let's get to the flaws, because there aren't enough to drag the film down, but there are some small ones that annoyed me. First of all, I saw two Middle Eastern actors that I recognized as henchman from past seasons of 24 in the film's first ten minutes. Maybe Hollywood needs to search a little deeper in the Arabic actor pool. Okay, that's not a flaw...more of an odd bit of info you might not need.

Jeff Daniels isn't in the film long enough for you to even learn his name. The trailer made me think that he was going to have more screen time than Guy Pearce. If you add up all of Harry from Dumb & Dumber's scenes he might be on screen for about ten minutes.

Jeff Nachmanoff is no stranger to controversial fare. His script, The Day After Tomorrow somehow started a global warming controversy for conservatives. This script is no different. Traitor deals with both sides of the war on terror and shows that each side sees the struggle in black and white. The problem is, if I am supposed to walk away from this with a little bit of sympathy for the terrorists Nachmanoff failed. He writes them in only the slightest shade of gray - not gray enough to change any minds.

If it's not for the trailer, this movie would get an A in my book. The people in the theatre I saw the movie at gave the ending a loud ovation, and I thought it was clever enough to warrant such a response, but I already knew what was going to happen because I saw the trailer.

If you plan on seeing Traitor avoid any advertising for it!

The Greek gives it a B.

Independent's Day 4: American Teen

I have found the perfect metaphor for the 2008 summer movie season in American Teen. There is tons of hype around it. People are raving about it. And I don't see what the big deal is. American Teen is in line to be this year's Juno or Garden State - an angst-ridden coming of age story with tons of indy cred. Too bad that even though of those three this is the only one that is a documentary, it's also the one that feels the most fake.

Let me tell you a little bit about my thought process in going to see American Teen. I like indy flicks. I tend to be drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I have no real problem with documentaries. In fact, the best thing I've seen all year is Chris Bell's Bigger, Stronger Faster. I was in the right frame of mind for this movie and it just didn't deliver.

Like most movies I've seen since I started keeping this blog, it wasn't awful. It just left a lot to be desired. As far as mediocre movies go, it's a good mediocre movie...is that possible?

The producers picked four teens from Warsaw, Indiana to follow during their senior year at high school.

Colin (the jock),


Jake (the geek),


Megan (the popular girl/bitch)


and Hannah (the artsy girl/outcast/tortured soul).


The film's press materials claim it also follows Mitch (the hunk),

but the filmmakers are only interested in him because of his relationship with Hannah.

I know, from the outset this seems unbearable for anyone over 18. I really should have known what I was getting into. I HATE The Breakfast Club.

Turns out two of the teens' stories are really interesting. The other two are really what bring down the movie. Colin is the star of his high school basketball team. His dad was the star of the team when he was in high school. Now he's an Elvis impersonator. The pressure Colin and his father put on him to get a scholarship is really something that could leave you scratching your head. It turns him into a selfish player on the court and kind of a jerk off it. I was routing for Colin. His story really seemed the most authentic.

Hannah is the character I think most people are going to relate to. She doesn't like school, her parents, or her hometown. We see her get her heartbroken not once, but twice. It is almost like director Nanette Burstein went out of her way to make sure we like Hannah, and she succeeds. I saw a little bit of myself in her and I was honestly hoping to find out she got as far from Warsaw, Indiana as possible.

Jake is a geek that can't get a girl AND THAT'S ALL HE EVER TALKS ABOUT and that's boring. Megan is a bitch - plain and simple. She spends her time toilet papering people's yards because they didn't vote for the prom theme she wanted, running off any girls that are interested in her friend Geoff, and treating people like garbage that by the time you find out she had a sister that committed suicide you just don't care.

The movie felt scripted. I know Burstein has been dealing with these accusations ever since the movie was released, and believe me, I don't want to pile on. Too much just seems to happen at the most convenient times - Colin hits a game winning shot, Jake screws up a date with a girl that really likes him, the outcast and the hunk get together. It's shouldn't be hard to take the movie at face value, but it is easy to wonder if what you're seeing is legit.

One thing I loved about the movie was the use of animation. It was a creative way to introduce back stories and feelings that you couldn't put on film otherwise. And the filmmakers were so creative with the animation itself. Colin's animations look like notebook doodles. Jake's look like they came straight out of a video game. Hannah's look like a Tim Burton film. It helps hammer home feelings and background info that someone looking into a camera and crying could not.

There is a lot to like about American Teen. It's just that there is also a lot that will leave you wondering why you're waisting your time. What I walked away with is that kids in high school (for the most part) are douche bags in one way or another...and I didn't need a 95 minute movie to figure that out.

The Greek gives it a B.

Pineapple Express

Have you ever wondered how two people can watch the same thing and each see something completely different? That was certainly the case when my wife and I went to see Pineapple Express. I didn't think it was awful. The movie certainly had it's moments (including a very funny discussion of Buddhism and Reincarnation). My wife on the other hand was ready to go less than an hour in.

I will admit, that I had very high (no pun intended) for Judd Apatow's stoner comedy. The red band trailer made the movie look like something I couldn't afford to miss.



It looks like something completely new for the Apatow crew, right? A lot of action. Seth Rogan as "the responsible one." A buddy comedy that doesn't have a larger moral lesson. Turns out that not only is Pineapple Express really nothing new for producer Judd Apatow and writers Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg. It's actually nothing new for this summer of crappy movies. That doesn't mean that Pineapple Express is awful. It's just another mediocre entry in what has been a very forgettable summer at the box office.

This movie isn't even really an action comedy. It's kind of like an Oreo cookie.



The two chocolate cookies in this case are comedy. The creamy filling is action. They taste great together, but they don't necessarily blend into one another. In fact, the film's climactic rescue scene feels a little out of place.

There really isn't a bad actor in the group, although I'm not sure how or why Rosie Perez landed a role in Pineapple Express. Seth Rogan's character Dale is what I imagine his Knocked Up character Ben Stone was like during that coming of age that was kind of skipped over. He's responsible enough to have a full time job, but not so buttoned up that he doesn't still spend most of his time stoned out of his gourd. James Franco did a bang up job as Sal. Since he really broke out in Spider-Man he hasn't really played a part like this and he did a great job.

It was nice to see Danny McBride pop up as middle-man Red. Even though I didn't really care for The Foot Fist Way, I still think he is very funny and has a bright future. Gary Cole delivers another great performance as kingpin Ted Jones.

Pineapple Express might be a break out for Craig Robinson. You probably recognize him as warehouse manager Darryl on The Office. If not, you may know him from just about every other Judd Apatow movie.



Could he be the next character actor Apatow turns into a leading man? I certainly hope not. I think one thing that Pineapple Express shows about Robinson is that he has a gift for creating quirky, supporting characters - like the doorman in Knocked Up.

I'm a fan of Seth Rogan, Evan Goldberg and Judd Apatow. I really expected this movie to blow me away and it just didn't. Superbad, Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall are all terrific comedies, but they are cut from the same mold - goofy, bawdy comedies with a ton of heart. I was ready to see something different. Pineapple Express proves the rule "if it ain't broke don't fix it." The movie isn't bad. Just forgettable.

The Greek gives it a B-.

The X Files: I Want to Believe

I have never seen an episode of The X Files, so I wasn't sure if I should even review I Want to Believe. I remember going to see The X Files: The Movie on a date in high school and hated it. The girl I was with said I would have enjoyed it more if I were a fan of the television show.

So with that in mind, I actually hadn't decided to attend the screening of The X Files: I Want to Believe until an hour before the movie started. I am so glad I chose to attend, because the movie is great as a stand alone story. Admittedly there are things that would have meant more to me if I were a fan. I had no idea that Mulder and Scully had a kid together. Also, I have no idea who Skinner is, but when he appeared on screen ominous music played, so I assume he is important to Mulder and Scully's back story.

Let's start with some of this movie's strengths. Most of the lead actors are really strong. Gillian Anderson has always given me the creeps and I think she's a bit of a lune, but none of that shines through. In this film Scully is a doctor - no longer associated with the FBI. We see sides of her that are angry, compassionate, and more than a little obsessive. Amanda Pete is solid as usual. Her performance won't blow you away, but it doesn't turn you off either.

The two real stars of this film are David Duchovny, who just seems like one of the coolest mothers on the planet. I don't mean Fox Mulder. That guy seems like a real douche bag. Duchovny always brings this sense of being the baddest man in the room to a role. I Want to Believe is no exception. The other star is Billy Connoly, who like Duchovny very rarely misses the mark. He stars as Father Joe, a pedophile priest that may or may not have a psychic connection to a man abducting people and hacking them up. Billy Connoly is great! I cannot stress that enough. Admittedly, his Scottish accent might have something to do with how awesome he is, but he played Father Joe in a way that made me go from trusting Father Joe to despising him to thinking he was crazy to feeling sympathy and back again.

The movie is a thriller, but the script doesn't take itself so seriously that you're on pins and needles the whole time. Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz pepper their script with plenty of humor. Some of Mulder dialogue had me laughing out loud. There is also a great shot that features our president. I won't ruin it, but you'll laugh no matter what your politics are.

Finally, I have to give Carter and Spotnitz all the credit in the world for coming up with a story that couldn't be told on television. The movie revolves around a series of terribly graphic crimes that you could never get away with, and the action sequences are too big not to be viewed on the big screen.

Now I will concede that this is a summer movie, and no summer movie is void of problems. While most of the performances are great, I found it hard to stomach rapper/car pimper XZibit as FBI Agent Drummy. If he wasn't scowling, he wasn't onscreen at all.

The bigger problems come at the end. I am not giving anything away here, but story lines involving Father Joe and Scully respectively are wrapped up almost as an after thought. For all of the importance put on these two story lines, I think they deserve more resolution than they got.

I am confused and eager to see other reviews. Several of the early reviews that hit the press called the movie "sexy," but honestly I don't know what they're talking about. Aside from a single shot of a woman in a pool and a shot of Scully in a nightgown, there isn't much that can be considered sexy in the film. Also, I am interested to see if there is any reaction to the movie's stem cell research storyline that mirrors the reaction of some critics to the end of Million Dollar Baby.

Overall, the movie was great. I really appreciate the way Chris Carter and crew approached a second X Files movie. There are still die hard fans out there (including my wife), but even some of them (including my wife) have forgotten the necessary details to keep up with a convoluted continuation of the series finale. The X Files: I Want to Believe instead plays like an intense update of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

If I were a fan of The X Files television series, I probably would be willing to give this movie an A, but I wasn't. I did walk away plenty satisfied though. So, the Greek gives it a B+.

Independent's Day 3: The Wackness

If you read my reviews regularly, than you have one of two opinions about me. You either think 1)I don't like anything or 2)I'm a movie snob. I don't think either is true. I like a lot of movies ... and Wayne's World is my all time favorite, so you can't really call me a movie snob. I think it's a case of this summer leaving a lot to be desired. We have only had two blockbusters (Iron Man and Wall*E) that are worth the money your ticket was printed on, and that indy film that's sure to be a breakout either hasn't hit theatres yet or just isn't coming out this summer.

So with that lead in, you can probably tell I didn't like The Wackness. The movie is set in 1994 and at times you wonder if writer/director Jonathan Levine actually has a story to tell or if he just wants to remind you what year he graduated from high school. The dialogue is terrible. The acting (in a lot of cases) misses the mark. The cinematography at times tries to be trippy and artistic, but trust me, it's nothing you haven't seen before. The rest of the time it's nothing you can't see on a Seinfeld rerun. It runs for just over an hour and a half, but you would swear that hour and a half is actually three and a half hours if you didn't have a watch.

I mentioned that the acting misses the mark. That's true in the case of Josh Peck and his character Luke Shapiro. It's hard for me to believe that Peck really loved this script. Instead it seems to me that he's trying to get away from his pudgy, Nickelodeon past.

Shapiro isn't a nerd. He isn't popular. All of the cool kids by pot from him, so they respect him, but not enough to hang out with him, so he befriends Ben Kingsley's Dr. Jeffrey Squires. Kingsley just looks bored in this role - like he showed up for the paycheck and/or craft service table. This leads to the film's only bright spot, Squires' step daughter Stephanie played by Olivia Thirlby from Juno.

There's no doubt that Thirlby is going to be a huge star. She is terrific and really the only actor in the movie worth watching. She's got great delivery and comic timing and she's a sex symbol waiting to happen.

Alright, here's my long list of problems with the movie. First, do we really need 1994 nostalgia? It's fine to set your movie in 1994, but the OJ Simpson, Kurt Cobain, and Rudy Giuliani references are useless. Second, the script misses tons of chances to mine situations for comedy. Dr. Squires analyzes a Jamaican drug lord's dream. That could go any number of places, and it just died on the table. There wasn't a single laugh in the theatre. Next, I never ever need to see the Olsen twins in anything. Especially if it involves one of them making out with Gandhi.



Also, this movie committed what I believe is the unltimate cinematic sin - tipping it's hand and giving away the ending within the first half hour. And finally, does every independent coming-of-age comedy now have to have a climactic scene set to Mott the Hoople's "All the Young Dudes"? Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome song. I just don't need it to be the soundtrack to every moment a kid realizes what direction they want their lives to go in.

The Wackness left me feeling dumb and cheated. I want the hour and a half of my life back ... no, since the movie felt like it lasted three and a half hours, I want three and a half hours back.

The Greek gives it a D.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

This is going to not only be a review, but a something of an anatomy lesson. That's because in order to be fair to Hellboy 2, I need to explain how I review a movie.

I rate movies the way a teacher might grade a test or a paper. Every movie starts out with an A+. From there things can only go down hill. It's kind of like be innocent until proven guilty. Along the way I'll take a few things into consideration, for instance last night the company sponsoring the screener screwed up and put my wife and I in the front row. It's not Hellboy's fault. That way there are chances for bonus points.

Here's how the grading process went for Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.

The movie opens with a nice recap of the first Hellboy film and a very creative set up using puppets. A little weird, but come on, this is a movie about the son of the devil who lives as a human and has countless cats. No points off.

Then we're introduced to the movies villain with a genuinely creepy (not so much scary) attack on humanity. No points off. Hey, the villain's sidekick looks like a recycled creature from director Guillermo del Toro's last fantasy film Pan's Labyrinth!

Hellboy 2 falls from an A+ to a simple A.

Okay, there's the gang's compound. Hey, there's Abe Sapien! David Hyde Peirce did a great job with his voice in the first movie. What the hell? David Hyde Peirce isn't doing Abe's voice in this one? What a load of crap! A- for Hellboy 2.

Hey, Selma Blair still looks great. No points off.

Now back to the main villain - Prince Nauda. He's meeting with his father, the king of the underworld. They sword fight. Too much kung fu for an elf for my tastes. Oh, it looks like anything that happens to the Prince also happens to his twin sister. My heart kind of sinks, because we're less than 30 minutes in and I've already figured out how this one's gonna end. We're taking off a full letter grade. We stand at a B-.

Okay, we've got a new character with a cool look and some cool super powers.

(Sorry, that's the only picture I could find) No points off.

Oh, he's voiced by Seth MacFarlane...We're down to a C+.

Okay, let's fast forward through the middle of the movie, because that's kind of what the director did. Liz is pregnant. Abe falls in love with the villian's twin sister. Hellboy realizes that humans are afraid of him. We learn Hellboy's beer of choice is Tecate. Hellboy and Abe sing Barry Manilow's "I Can't Smile Without You," Hellboy gets stabbed and we skip to the end.

Alright, I don't want to give much away, but there's another monster that Guillermo del Torro borrowed from Pan's Laberynth.

The final battle between Hellboy and Prince Nauda is more jumping around than actual fighting, which is a let down. And like I mentioned earlier, I had already figured out how this was going to end. No points off. I can't deduct for the same thing twice.

So the movie is over and we're standing at a C+. Okay, let's talk about some things that were not Hellboy 2: The Golden Army or Guillermo del Torro's fault.

First off, I mentioned that the company holding the screener screwed up and didn't have seats saved for me, so I had to sit in the front row of the the theatre...in the left corner. There could have been some awesome stuff happenning on the right side of the screen. I'd never know. Secondly, my wife was annoying the crap out of me. Finally I felt a cold coming on.

So, I would say that the movie deserves a C+, but because factors beyond the director's control have likely influenced my opinion of the movie, I will add a point back on. Besides, that seems about where this movie should be. It's not a must see, and it's certainly not as good as Hellboy. It's a summer movie. I was expecting better.

The Greek gives it a B-.

Independent's Day 2: Bigger, Stronger, Faster

A documentary about steroids might not be something that appeals to everyone. The good news is that the documentaries of the 21st century aren't the documentaries that we remember from when we were in school. Love or hate Michael Moore, you have to admit that he helped change the documentary film genre for the better. That is an appropriate way to start this review since the same company that released Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 911 is behind Bigger Stronger Faster.

If you've never heard of the movie, take the time to get up to speed by watching the trailer.

The movie focuses on Chris Bell, a guy who has some solid biceps, but isn't by any means sporting the physique you might see inside any number of body building magazines. Chris is searching for the answers to a few questions.

1. Should it make you sad to know that your heroes are cheaters?
2. Why do his two brothers have no trouble using steroids, while he sees them as an immoral means to an end?
3. Does America really approach steroids in the right way?
4. Can you really blame athletes for using steroids, when their jobs depend on it?

The stories of Chris' two brothers more similarities than differences, but the two come off in very different ways. His older brother Mike failed in his attempt to become a college football star. He failed in his attempt to make it as a professional wrestler. And he failed at making a living as a body builder. He spends most of the documentary talking about how much he doesn't want to be average, but when you're a CPA in Poughkeepsie, NY you're just an average Joe - no matter how good your body looks. It's hard not to feel sympathy for Mike. He is sure he is destined for great things, and he'll do anything to make his dreams come true. That's why he moves to California in his 40s to make another run at becoming a star in the WWE. When Mike tells Chris that he hears his wife crying herself to sleep at night, you can't help but think Mike is so far gone, he may never be able to see the forest for the trees.

Chris' younger brother Mark is just an idiot. The guy comes off like a real piece of garbage, which is odd, because unlike Mike, Mark has a firm grasp on the reality of his situation. He is married with a kid. He owns his own gym and is an assistant high school football coach. He doesn't apologize for using steroids. In fact, he thinks people that don't use them are fools. But Mark is a fraud. He won't tell his parents that he uses. He flat out lies to his players. And his wife openly talks about what she has had to give up as a result of Mark's juicing.

Chris Bell presents both sides of the steroid argument in a very compelling way. Why is it okay for musicians and comedians to use beta blockers to relieve anxiety and students to use aderol to focus on their school work, but we freak out when the Tour De France champ is accused of blood doping? And Chris doesn't just find talking heads to interview. The movie features Chris' chats with Floyd Landis, Carl Lewis, Greg Valentino, and Ben Johnson to name a few. There are as many scenes that will shock you (Congressman Henry Waxler doesn't know what the laws on steroids are even though he is leading the charge against Major League Baseball) as there are scenes that will make you think (a number of doctors that refuse to say steroids can literally kill you) as there are scenes that will leave you in stitches (illegal immigrants being used to make "all natural" supplements).

The movie really made me think about my feelings on steroids. Do I still consider athletes that use steroids cheaters? Hell yes. Do I think steroid use should be against the law? Now, I don't really know how to answer that question.

Bigger Faster Stronger is one of those independent films that should really rise to the top in a summer flooded with awful movies. I am not saying it will. I am only saying that it should. If you (like me and so many other kids) grew up idolizing Hulk Hogan, were enthralled by the 1998 home run chase, or are a fan of any Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone movies you've got to see this movie! Even if you aren't it's still worth your money. Besides, it's an independent movie, so if you see it at the right theatre you can get a ticket for less than seven bucks.

The Greek gives it an A.