The Love Guru

Here's what you need to know before you go see The Love Guru:

1. Romany Malco is black.
2. Verne Troyer is a midget.
3. Mariska Hargitay has a funny name.
4. A man has a wiener.

These things are all important because they set up the majority of jokes in the film. Sadly (albeit not surprisingly) none of them are funny.

I am not sure who to blame for The Love Guru. The script is bad, so it never should have been given the green light. Mike Myers is really no longer culturally relevant, so there is no reason to believe this movie is going to be a hit. You have to wonder what the studio was thinking. Myers doesn't seem to care at all whether people are laughing, so you have to wonder why he even bothered to make the movie.

This movie left me with a lot of questions. How does Mike Myers still have the clout to get these kind of celebrity cameos (Jessica Simpson, Ben Kingsley, Steven Colbert, Val Kilmer)? Why does his head superimposed onto a 12-year-old body give me the creeps? How many ways (or times for that matter) can they draw a wiener? Why was the audience I saw this with laughing at all?

If you are yet to figure this out, my review is not good. Look, I'll admit there was a time I liked Mike Myers. Wayne's World is my favorite movie ever and when I was fifteen I quoted Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery like it was the Bible. I grew up, though. Myers clearly did not. The Love Guru is a retread of bits, voices, and jokes from the three Austin Powers films. Hell, even Verne Troyer is back.

Is there anything worth laughing at in The Love Guru? Well, Steven Colbert's five minutes on screen (spread out over three scenes) are typical Colbert gold and there are a few funny throw-away lines. They keep me from giving the movie an outright "F," but for the most part no, there really isn't a lot to laugh at. If you're in the mood for some comedy this summer I suggest you either go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Kung Fu Panda again or wait and hope Pineapple Express really is as good as it looks.

Here we are in the middle of June and Iron Man is still the only movie that has even peaked my interest this summer. It confirms my suspicions that 2008 is one of the worst summer blockbuster seasons ever! Thank God Wall*E opens in less than two weeks...but I digress. Back to The Love Guru. It sucks!

The Greek gives it a F+.